Along Came a Liger

Few things are as fun as getting unexpected presents in the mail, but if that unexpected present happens to be liger-related, well, it’s like Christmas, your birthday, Halloween, the first day of spring, Passover and Mr. Luther King Jr. Day – all rolled into one and hurtling downhill towards a clown orgy at the Neverland Ranch. If that makes no sense whatsoever, well, good, because neither does this gift from my good friends, Vancouverite couple, Jeff and Iva. While visiting our weirdness-loving pals a couple summers ago Alana and I saw Napoleon Dynamite with them, and we've shared an unhealthy appreciation for the film ever since.

Since the movie turned into a pop-culture phenomenon, there’s been a whack of official and unofficial ND-related merch, from talking action figures to “Free Pedro” shirts, but nothing rivals the Back Country Fun Pack Liger (which, as indicated by beast’s back fins and spiked tail, is the movie-version of a liger, not a real-life liger). These “world’s first (and finest) Pack Ligers” are four tent pegs with orange, inflatable, liger-shaped flags on them. The package notes that the purpose of these things is, “to hold your tarp or tent to the ground, prop your head up as a pillow, decorate the outback, or take a pride along to talk to on your next solo.” I imagine that if you’re spending the summer with your uncle hunting wolverines in Alaska, they’d also be good for scaring bears away from your campsite (seriously, what the heck would you do in a situation like that?).

Of course, none of these uses seem very, well… useful. As Jeff explained, these thingies are really chiefly used while backcountry alpine camping, where packed snow can hide deep, dangerous crevasses. After probing your campsite for cracks, you mark them with flags, so you don’t disappear while you’re sleepwalking, off taking a dump, or wrestling around with a wolverine. Because one wants to travel as lightly as possible while backcountry camping, the usual materials for this are small bamboo poles with duct tape. Jeff noted, “In short, using a liger wand is a heavy, expensive, impractical way of accomplishing something that could easily be done by something light, cheap and practical.” (On a side note, Back Country Fun also makes other impractical but cool pegged-whatnots, including these gnomes with giant spiked penises.)

Aside from the fact that I’ll likely never go backcountry alpine camping, this makes them all that more excellent. I’m gonna use ‘em as tent pegs the next time I go camping. They will be little flags marking the tent-sized nation of Ligberia. And this guy will be president.