Our dirt bikes bring all the boys to the yard. Damn right, they're better than yours.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Neptune's Balls!

Ah, for the lusty days of the high seas, when ladies were trollopes, and pirates were sensual, gentle, clean and healthy proper-English-speaking upstanding fellows, unwilling to rape the innocent women they happened to be chatting with at the time.
This beautiful world is revived in Pot of Gold and Emerald Isle by Megan Hart, who I'm sure is just sitting on some Pulitzer material here. Here's a taste of the magic world she's built:

"I don't like being predictable." Robin stared up at the stars, hard.

"Neptune's balls!" he cried again, only because he couldn't think of what else to say.

"I don't give a fig for Neptune's," Eleanor retorted smartly. "But I believe I'd like to learn more about yours."

Ah, pure gold. Just imagine reading this with the children by the fireplace, with a crack-pipe hanging coyly from your lips, as you tear out page after page, tossing each one into the amber glow of the crackling hickory. That means fire.
And the cover design for each book is brilliant. Watch mystified as the exact same picture is superimposed over two different backgrounds--each one more pirate-like than the next. In one, the pirate has healthy skin tones. In the next--he must be cold, because he's a sharper shade of turquoise than most humans usually consider healthy.
Literature has come a long way since Treasure Island and Robinson Crusoe and Curious George Goes to Market. Now, with Megan Hart and Neptune's Balls guiding us through page after page of historically accurate literature, we can toss the classics where they belong--into a flame-addled hearth of burninatious proportions. That also means fire.


Blogger AuthorM said...

Sadly, you can't tear pages out of an e-book...and I can't really take credit (or blame, I daresay) for the covers since I didn't make them. But the historical inaccuracies are all mine, baby. Alllllll mine.

M, the non-Pulitzer-prize-winning author!

8:02 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like the Celtic biohazard border on her webpage, with its precious heart. It's all so surprisingly awful.

1:15 PM


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