Stick a F.O.R.K. in Him, He's Done

I’m back again in the Land of Oil and Honey, and wouldn’t you know it, the Ralphbertans are saying farewell to their King. This includes the Edmonton Chinese Community Association, which threw the Friends of Ralph Klein appreciation dinner on December 7th. My aunt’s neighbour was one of the organizers and gave my aunt and my grandma tickets to attend – my grandma happily reported that he didn’t seem to be drinking that night. As you can see by the program, it featured a fairly large menu – including Peking Duck, fresh lobster, beef tenderloin – and a lengthy (four-hour) itinerary complete with dance and musical numbers.

The highlight of the evening, though, was surely House Leader and Education Minister Gene Zwozdesky’s “Song for Premier Ralph and Dr. Colleen Klein,” which I’ve included so you can sing it yourself in reverence to the couple (“Ralpheen” for short). Sung to the melody of “Happy Birthday,” its standout stanza is “We-will-never forget/When-our-future looked wet/But-along came Ralph Klein/And-erased all our debt.” Man, the only way that could be any better is if were sung while Ralph whacked at a hobo-piñata until it spilled money and airplane bottles of booze. Truly multi-cultural.

Everyone who attended the event also went home with a table fork. Why? Because F.O.R.K. is the acronym for Friends of Ralph Klein. As my grandma observed, “I don’t know what the heck I’m going to do with this thing; I don’t want it in with my cutlery.”
So, here’s to you Ralph – for all those late-night drunken homeless shelter altercations, for keeping education expensive and being an enemy to students, for always putting business before the environment, for your homophobic grandstanding, for making every effort to destroy healthcare, for your very embarrassing pro-Bush/Iraq War stance and for always finding time to put on a cowboy hat and flip pancakes for the press. We’ll miss your liquor-engorged jowls… mostly because it’s better the enemy you know than the jackass that’ll replace you. May your future be black and oily.