Our dirt bikes bring all the boys to the yard. Damn right, they're better than yours.

Friday, December 08, 2006

The Bittersweet Taste of Mallo

Have you ever heard of a Mallo Cup? I hadn't, until I went into Retro Fun, a store in Toronto that sells weird and vintage toys, games, trading cards and other collectibles, plus import candy. Somewhere between the Babe Ruth bars and the UK-imported Ripple bars, I found Mallo Cups, a candy made by Pennsylvania's Boyer Candies. Basically, a Mallo Cup is a deeper Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, but with marshmallow cream filling – pretty tasty.

I picked it because I liked the retro feel to the packaging. If you go to the Boyer website, there’s a company history that explains how it all started during the Depression with a family selling homemade candy door-to-door to make ends meet. However, despite changing hands a couple of times throughout the years, this is obviously a company that doesn’t change with the times very easily – just ask Marty Mallo, the high-tops and aviator shades-wearing mascot.

Even more retro than Marty, though, is the Mallo Cups Play Money promotion. Each Mallo Cups package includes a very vintage-looking card worth 25 Mallo Cup Play Money points, which one can redeemed for prizes, including a Boyer memorabilia mug (2250 points), Marty Mallo sweatshirt (4500 points) and the top dog: a Marty Mallo Quartz Watch (8500). That timepiece will come in real handy when measuring your laboured heart-rate after eating the 340 Mallo Cups (technically 680 cups, as there are two per package) it takes to get the stupid watch – which can also be bought for $24.95.
But say you don’t want to eat that much candy; what can be had for a mere 500 points? Well, if you smash down 20 Mallo Cups you’re eligible for a Marty Mallo rebate cheque totaling… wait for it… wait for it… $1.00! With chocolate bars costing about a buck each, that’s like buy 20, get one free. No, wait… after you buy an envelope and postage (FYI: from Canada it would cost $0.89) to send in your points, you’ve probably spent over a $1.00.
It seems the only way to come out on top of this chocolate-covered scam is to get yourself a time machine and take those lousy points back to the 1950s. And I can’t imagine how many points you’d need for the Marty Mallo Time Machine.

And on a non-Mallo Cup-related note, I’m back in Edmonton from December 8th to the 18th. See some of you then.


Anonymous collin said...

So, you're buying "retro candy" now.
(head shake)
Oh Dave, dave, dave.

12:32 PM

Blogger Superdude said...

I work at a chocolate factory!

7:36 PM


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