Our dirt bikes bring all the boys to the yard. Damn right, they're better than yours.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Hallowed Wiener



While that could be the best ever name for a gay cult (members of which clearly would worship at the Altar of the Hallowed Wiener), it’s also the title of my Halloween post – and a reason to catch up on recent goings on. Working at a horror mag makes for busy times leading up to Oct. 31st and the last few weeks have felt very hectic. Here’s the play-by-play of some of the notable goings on in The People’s Republic of Frightsylvavia.

-A couple of weeks ago I programmed a movie night at the Bloor cinema for one of the greatest Can-con cult movies ever: the hilariously cheesy and certifiably insane Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare, starring legendary glam rock gladiator Thor. What made this particularly special was that we brought Thor himself in for the screening to intro the film, do a Q&A and play a gig afterward at the Bovine (a sketchy a somewhat endearing bar on Queen St.). I really pushed hard to make the event happen, despite the skepticism of some co-workers (not out designer Brett, though, as he designed Thor’s latest album cover).
Thankfully the event went over huge. Thor also booked some additional gigs around town, went on some TV shows, and the Toronto Star did a piece on the event.
Before each of our movies, there’s a sort-of theatre group called The Cloven Path Ministries, which does a Satanic parody of faith healer/old time revival thing, where the Pastor Wilkes and crew trade bibles for porn, cure retardation and generally come up with crazy stunts. That week they actually held a bake sale in the theatre, and hocked muffins and squares (for the Dark Lord, of course). Thor was incorporated into the show and threw one of the guys off the stage into the table of baked goods. Although the dude apparently has stunt training, he barely glanced off the table and onto the concrete floor. He just laid there in a pile of smashed baking and, shit, I thought he was really hurt. Thankfully it was all part of the act. Awesome.

The gig at the Bovine was a hit, with hipsters, headbangers, horror geeks and few assorted skids banging heads and pumping fists to Thor’s GWAR-ish metal show, which combines rubber props and costuming with hard drivin’ songs about all things Viking. It was without a doubt one of the best times I’ve had a gig for a long while. So many shows, particularly in Toronto, consist of a bunch of jaded music nerds standing around, arms crossed, bobbing heads. Nothing like an irony-free hesher meltdown to remind you how uninhibited and catchy plain old rock can be. If you get a chance to see Thor live, do not miss the opportunity, as he’s wildly entertaining and one helluva performer.
He’s also one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet. Thor (real name Jon) and his very cool wife Katherine stayed at my place that night. In case you were wondering, The God of Thunder is not averse to having a bagel for breakfast. Sadly I had no mead to wash it down.

-After that it was The Toronto After Dark Film Festival, a four-day event in its first-year, which showed about a dozen genre films. Rue Morgue helped sponsor, so I had a pass. Among the best stuff I saw was the opening film Special (described as Unbreakable with a touch of Kevin Smith), which is one of the darkest and most interesting superhero films ever made – I loved it (star Michael Rapaport is pictured). Also highly entertaining – if immature in an American Pie kinda way – was the German zombie comedy Night of the Living Dorks, which played after a zombie walk, so the theatre was full of “the undead”, who hilariously moaned and grunted their approval. For the closing film of fest, a fantastic revisionist slasher mockumentary / dark comedy called Behind the Mask played, and I introduced the director, Scott Glosserman, who should prove to be a important filmmaker in the genre.
-Next up, because it’s Halloween, the media wants comments on all kind of stuff. I was interviewed for the National Post (article here), these guys and even for TV on eTalk Daily (click on “Celebs fear their horror pasts”). No, I didn’t get within strangling distance of Ben Mulroney, but I wasn’t expecting to go on (we agreed to let them shoot at the office and I thought a co-worker would do the segment but she didn’t want to), so I was totally talking out of my ass – thankfully they were super-nice and it was edited into something slightly less embarrassing. Of course, now I expect to start wearing a blazer, bleaching my teeth and saying “K-Fed” a lot more in the future.

-After that was the gigantosaurus Rue Morgue Halloween party at the Church at Berkley on Queen Street. Free booze and food, killer costumes and entertainment (including a Chinese dragon dance) always makes for a good time. You can see my more-than-offputting Ed Wood Jr. costume and some genuinely amazing costumes (love the Destro) at the RM message boards, here. Like an idiot, I shaved my creepy moutache that morning, forgetting I had a whole day of running around ahead of me, so I went out and about (down to Kensington Market, out for dinner, etc.) looking like a pedophile – with out-of-town guests, no less. And Christ, there is absolutely no reasonable way to hide a ‘stache, short of a giant scarf. I kept forgetting I had it too, but luckily Alana reminded me with many disgusted looks. On a side note, the friends that stayed over for the Halloween party – Ken and his wife Yvonne – actually brought us mead, from a “meadery.” I didn’t know such a place existed. If you get a chance to try the stuff, go for it, it’s great, kinda of a refreshing mix of apple, honey and subtle white wine. Now we’re ready for the next time Thor drops in.

-The next day I was good and hungover thanks to much vodka and tonic and little self-control. I came around in time for a set visit to the new George Romero film, Diary of the Dead, being shot in North East Toronto. It was a cold evening to be outside, but shit, I got to interview George fucking Romero and watch him direct a zombie movie! Aaaaa! He’s a cool chain smoking hippie with the largest set of glasses I’ve ever seen on a human being, Steve Urkel included. I’ll be writing a piece on the film for RM closer to its release date.

-That brings me to today, Halloween, which reminded me why my job is so fun, as we bought Halloween candy and by around 4:30 this afternoon threw gumballs painted like eyeballs at each other. Wheee… . Brett and Rod came over tonight, we ordered pizza, watched Jaws then the absolutely insane ‘60s monster movie The Horror of Party Beach. Life is busy but very good.

-Lastly, check out this music video for British group The Horrors. I usually have little patience for British band with eyeliner and fancy haircuts, but they write some great garage rock, and this video for Sheena is a Parasite was directed by Chris Cunningham (and stars Samantha Morton). And how 'bout all you other wieners? What'd you do for Halloween?

11 Comments:

Blogger Alana said...

I did the same thing as you for Halloween! Weird.

8:25 AM

 
Blogger Dave said...

Don't be a jackass -- get back to work.

Also, I forgot to mention that Alana went as Vampira, so we had a kick-ass couple costume.

10:21 AM

 
Anonymous collin said...

The best part of my halloween was watching Elvis fight a traffic light in the bar parking lot. That and all the candy I stole.

1:09 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dave, I am slowly coming to the realization that your life freaks the hell out of me, and more disturbingly, that I am becoming someone who actually thinks, 'What is the world coming to?' when I peruse the party photos....Am I that old already? Fuck, I am, like, two months older than you Dave, and somehow it feels like fifty years! Even the thought of ATTENDING that party seriously makes me cringe! Don't hate me.

Also disturbing is that fucking Horrors video. Again, what is the world coming to? I thought it would be delinquent video games I would need to shelter my children from.

Now, the eTalk interview, on the other hand, is milquetoast enough for me to appreciate. Wish I had seen it live - totally cool seeing you on TV! You looked nervous, but you did an awesome job.

My Halloween was mainly child-related, but we did go to a party Tracy held - of the karaoke variety, as opposed to the zombie type (although I WAS a zombie). Chris wore the funniest costume ever - an Oilers jersey with Prong-Her on the back, with a baby doll pinned on one sleeve, and a box of condoms with a sign 'Does anyone know what these are for?' pinned to the other sleeve. Not funny for the ppl who didn't hear all of the rumours surrounding his departure, but hysterical to us. Tyler and Rayna did a hilarious rendition of "Strokin'". Good times. And FAR less insane than YOUR party.

Hope you are both good.

Lori A.

3:58 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, I forgot one thing...Am I a bad parent if I dress my children up as Trailer Park Boys characters for Halloween? Well, one of them, anyway? I found a tiny pair of white jeans, and Ruthie still has that little kid beer belly going on, so I slicked back her hair, and, Voila! A shirtless RANDY is running around my living room. I will email you when I get the pics up on that website. Thought you'd get a chuckle.

Lori

4:03 PM

 
Anonymous Jhen said...

Dear Dave,

You know, I'm really glad you moved to Toronto. All this horror-mag stuff looks like the perfect job for you. That, and you're a million miles away from me, old man :)

Yeah, I use emoticons now. So what??

Yours in crayon,

Jhen

7:30 AM

 
Blogger Superdude said...

I gave candy for kids.
A few days before that, like on the Saturday, I dressed up as teenwolf by gluing bits of un-fur to my face(at one point gluing one eyelid closedwith spirit gum), drank an entire bottle of Fireball, went to a local music show, got too sad and drunk, left early, fought with my girlfriend while she cleaned my face off and my head spun, got kicked out, went home, wrote nonsense e-mails to people I haven't talked to in ages, then dumped all the booze in the house into the toilet and flushed it.
The next day, I stayed VERY VERY still.

2:56 PM

 
Blogger Superdude said...

Also, Dave, wicked costume.

3:04 PM

 
Blogger Dave said...

"Dave, I am slowly coming to the realization that your life freaks the hell out of me, and more disturbingly, that I am becoming someone who actually thinks, 'What is the world coming to?' when I peruse the party photos."

Actually, much of the party consisted of our advertisers, so there were all kinds of regular folks from all kinds of background -- we're talking reps from Blockbuster Video and the like. Probably not quite what you think.

"Also disturbing is that fucking Horrors video. Again, what is the world coming to? I thought it would be delinquent video games I would need to shelter my children from."

It's just art -- in this case by the guy who's done award winning vids for the like of Bjork and Madonna. If you really wanna freak 'em out, let 'em watch CNN or FOX. This stuff is harmless and inventive.

"Now, the eTalk interview... You looked nervous, but you did an awesome job."

Thanks, I was a total idiot and they made the best of it.

Your Halloween party sounds like it was a blast, and props to Chris for the Pronger jab. Nothing, however, is funnier than the thought of Ruthie's Randy costume. You wanna talk about wrong... Ha ha! Nice. For the love of Jebus get those pics up!

5:46 PM

 
Blogger Dave said...

"The best part of my halloween was watching Elvis fight a traffic light in the bar parking lot. That and all the candy I stole."

C'mon, surely you can elaborate. Front row for Elvis vs. light pole? That's hilarious.

5:48 PM

 
Anonymous collin said...

It wasn't really a traffic light... or Elvis. Emma and I were headed for a party and as we walked out there was a typicall dust up in the parking lot. Except that the usual whining/pissed off chicks were dressed up like sexy firemen, and Elvis was shoving a guy who had a yellow foam suit with big flashing green, amber and red lights on it. Elvis was friends with Bam Bam, who had a big, real club. I though it was a little dicey so we split.
That's it.
I'm late for bowling.

7:19 PM

 

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