Our dirt bikes bring all the boys to the yard. Damn right, they're better than yours.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Back in CHUDmonton

Cannibalistic Hummanoid Underground Derrick workers -- great horror movie about Edmonton; highly recommended.

In other news, I'm back in Edmonton 'til the 21st to hang out and buy as many handguns as I can while they're still available. And by "buying handguns" I mean drinking beers and shooting them down my throat. Before that happens, though, I had to get here, which meant a four-hour plane ride, plus 2 1/2 hours of delay at the Toronto airport. I mention it because apparently airport bathrooms are where all the best jokes are told.

I'm using one of the urinals at the Pearson Airport when the guy next to me turns and barks, "HEY!" There's a guy staring at me; a guy who smelled like he was actually an open bottle of hooch dressed up like a human being. He was also one of those really blonde guys who turns waterbottle-red when he's drunk, which really added a raging glow about him.

He slurs, "You know what I fuckin' hate about this shithole?!?"

"Uh... no."

"All the fuckin' dicks who hang out here!"

Now, normally when you tell a joke to a stranger you don't yell it and then glare like you want to fight, especially while you're holding peni. Drunk waterbottle man sounded so hostile I didn't clue into the "hanging out" "dick" potty punchline and briefly thought that he was actually picking a fight in an airport bathroom... while pissing.

Then he swivelled his drunk head back around like I wasn't even there. I've seen that reality show Airline, which seems to be exclusively about drunks getting denied boarding and then yelling at airline employees wearing shitty sweater vests, and it's safe to say he didn't leave that airport for quite some time. At least by plane.

If I hope to reach that level of intoxicated belligerence, I'd best get to work. Jeeves, a fresh bussel of hops for my booze-revolver!


Blogger Superdude said...

Pissing bear? Brilliant, as a lame artist would say.

My girlfriend is snotty. Not prudish, but mucusy.
Is that a word?

9:32 PM


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