Tides have turned for the stupider

Well, in response to my mad, bad, and rad post last sometime where I said I hated working at my newspaper, the following day saw fit to further increase my detestation of the poor little rag.
One of their best and brightest veteran reporters crossed the front lines to The Other Paper, leaving me as the My Newspaper Daily's only available fill-in guy. What that means is that I was given full-time hours this week. Wahh. Poor baby. All my dreams are coming true.
Unfortunately, I think my news-writing gas is just about all burnt up. The same problems still exist there--stories are about as long as your average 43-year-old virgin's penis (how long is that? Short, I guess) and I find myself ashamed to want to cover the things I'm interested in, becuase I know that little stories and big issues put together into the same word-place make ugly, sad little misrepresentaive sensationalist puke-pots. Also, I was told yesterday by the writing coach that my sentences are too long for My Newspaper Daily's style. "There should never be a sentence longer than 15 words," he said, running a tiny lawnmower over his scalp. I agreed that some of my sentences were long, and also found that using shorter sentences made my stories shorter. So that was good. I actually appreciated having a real proofreader. I've been at that paper for almost a year and a half, and that's the first time anyone's given any semblance of a shit about my writing. I haven't been edited in ages, either.
SO maybe this isn't all that bad. I haven't been offered a full-time position there yet, and when I asked if I should know anything before I bought a ticket home for christmas, the answer wsa "well, go ahead and book it, because everything's still up in the air. That's great. I'm the last casual worker there who hasn't been offered full-time work. That's ok. I never really asked for it, because I seem to be able to maintain the mindset that I'm not looking to settle down here or anything, and thereby manage to sabotage any attempts at job-creation or -getting.
Anyway, I want to write something funny, but I can't think of anything. I guess you can all just pretend I have a clown hat on.