Our dirt bikes bring all the boys to the yard. Damn right, they're better than yours.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005


Good call on that Dose cover, Chris. I can't remember what exactly it said or looked like, but it definitely had something to do with Belinda Stronach. And possibly orgasms. What, you think I read that crap? Speaking of which, I just went to Dose's website to see the cover, which doesn't exist online, since the website is an entirely separate entity from the publication, apparently. Not that I blame it, really. Anyway, so I typed the word "cover" into their search engine, and, since there were no results, it gave me the top local searches, which included, among other, more obvious things, "decadance" (maybe that's a bar that I've just never heard of?), "good sex," "a lost moose in Edmonton," and, my personal favourite, "Pearl Jam." Seriously, what the fuck? This means that substantial numbers of people have been going on the Dose website and typing "Pearl Jam" into the Edmonton page's search engine.

On an entirely unrelated note, I read a CBC online article about how the Queen called Regina her "home away from home" yesterday. Do you think she just feels obligated to call it that, since the name of the city's "Regina"? Also, I love how every person who has ever written a news article about the Queen feels it necessary to describe exactly what she's wearing. Yesterday, she was wearing a biege rain poncho and a red velvet hat trimmed with black lace! Everything I ever read about the royal family (that isn't outright critical) always has this vague condescending tone to it, like, "Awwww, isn't that cute? Look at the little Queenie with her rain poncho!" Like she's some kind of curiosity or something. It's strange. And vaguely erotic.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Well, at least the Queen still came

Call me crazy, but this is the way politics should be. None of this tedious "running the country" garbage. No sir, we want scandals, corruption, death threats, vote-buying and name-calling in our parliament, thank you very much. People always complain that young people these days are apathetic when it comes to politics. Well, I think it's safe to say we'll have the largest voter turnout in years if there's an election this summer, because this is probably going to be the nastiest election campaign we'll have ever seen in our short lives. I don't know about you, but I can't wait.

I just hope the election happens when I'm in Québec. That'll be CRAZY!!! I hear they even have "rappers" who "rap" about hating the Liberals out there.

In other news, the Queen landed in Saskatchewan today.

well, holy shit.

Huh. So it turns out that all the cabinet-job-dangling the Liberals had been doing for the last few weeks seems to have totally paid off. As the Guardian online reports, former Conservative Party leadership hopeful Belinda Stronach has switched sides, joining the Liberals so she could accept her appointment as the new minister of human resources. Countless media sources are predicting this all but assures the Liberals will win the non-confidence vote scheduled for Thursday.

You know, I was thinking that all this non-confidence shit was getting blown out of proportion... but man, handling out ministerial positions in exchange for votes is pretty fucking underhanded. I mean, I'm well aware that neither Stronach nor the Liberals have any real sense of shame, but yee. I'm surprisingly disillusioned.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

more bigger cats!

When I post, I fucking post, fools. Anyhow, here's yet another discovered instance of our blog's title on this vast, unknowable beast we call the internet. This one appeared on a site called Borko's Magical Moombah in the caption to this photo:


"Some cats are bigger than others.
We brought some leopards up from Wildlife Safari.
I must admit they made me kinda nervous."

Me too, Mr Borko. Me too.

elections: the other white meat.

As promised earlier, here's my take on the impending federal election, in the form of a block quote from my column this week:

With Martin’s government expected to fall by the end of the month, something’s going to have to fill the void, and, amazingly, there are actually people out there who hope that something is Stephen Harper. Honestly: is wanting to punish a complacent and longstanding Liberal regime really a good enough reason to hand the steering wheel over to the Conservatives? Really? Bear in mind that this isn’t even the comparably huggable, Mulroney-style old Progressive Conservative party we’re talking about here; this is the gun-lovin’, immigrant-hatin’, hardlinin’, whoop-whoop-whoop-holy-fuck-we’re-crazy Conservative Party of Canada. I mean, yes, there should be some repercussions for the whole sponsorship thing, but surely there’s a way to punish the Liberal party without also setting our country back 30 years ideologically by voting in a party that opposes gay marriage and relaxed drug laws and would love nothing more than to make Canada into America’s economic and political lapdog.

Can’t we just take a few seats away from the Liberals and give them to some slightly less crazy party, like the NDP? What are they going to do—go mad with power and plant too many trees?

My stance in a nutshell: the problem is with the system, not the party in power. Had it been the Conservatives, they would have likely done the same thing. To hand over the government to the Cons just to spite the Libs would be foolhardy--especially considering how horribly the Cons have acted of late. Best-case scenario? Maintain a Liberal minority government, but with a stronger NDP. So, in conclusion, I'm voting New Democrat.


when there's nothing left to burn...

Yep, well, as those of you who received Kristine's email yesterdays, Edmonton continues to celebrate its centennial year by burning itself the fuck down, cool building by cool building. Last month, it was the historic (and slummy) Arlington apartment block downtown, just a few years shy of its 100th birthday; a couple weeks ago, it was Hub Cigar, which stood on Whyte Ave since 1894 when it served as an outfitters for prospectors heading north to the gold fields; and just yesterday, it was the most amazing set of townhouses in the city, the Garneau Mews, a block away from Kristine's place. (We're having trouble putting up a pic, but one will be added as soon as we figure things out.)

While not historical in any readily apparent way, the Mews were the most uniquely designed split-levels available on the rental market; when my friend Nathan and his wife were in town about ten months ago, we stopped by at a friend's who lived there, and I was floored by the two-and-a-half-story open-air plan complete with sunlights and an open staircase going right up the middle. Seriously--I wish I had taken a picture of what it was like, because it was pretty much exactly the kind of place in which I only dream of living in.

But anyhow, wuh-boom: they're totally gone. Well, not yet; the one block is still there, mostly untouched by flames but possibly made uninhabitable, while the afflicted adjacent block still smoulders, the sun poking through the rooftop beams exposed by the fire. I guess they'll probably tear it all down; even if the flames didn't spread that much, the sheer amount of water they doused these homes with probably took care of the rest.

It all begs the question: what the fuck is with all the fires? Don't forget about the Ashbury Place fire and the Whyte Ave Albert's Pancake House/pet store blaze of two years ago, too... all those poor kitties and uneaten breakfast foods. But seriously: what's causing this? Wiring's the usual suspect (although the Arlington fire is still being investigated as an arson--and knowing the tales told about its corrupt asshole owner and how he'd would have loved to sell the place and turn the lot into condos, I would put it past him), but do Edmonton's electricians suck this bad at their craft? Who knows. Point is, I should really, really look into fire insurance. Someday, the whole city's gonna go.