Our dirt bikes bring all the boys to the yard. Damn right, they're better than yours.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Along Came a Liger


Few things are as fun as getting unexpected presents in the mail, but if that unexpected present happens to be liger-related, well, it’s like Christmas, your birthday, Halloween, the first day of spring, Passover and Mr. Luther King Jr. Day – all rolled into one and hurtling downhill towards a clown orgy at the Neverland Ranch. If that makes no sense whatsoever, well, good, because neither does this gift from my good friends, Vancouverite couple, Jeff and Iva. While visiting our weirdness-loving pals a couple summers ago Alana and I saw Napoleon Dynamite with them, and we've shared an unhealthy appreciation for the film ever since.

Since the movie turned into a pop-culture phenomenon, there’s been a whack of official and unofficial ND-related merch, from talking action figures to “Free Pedro” shirts, but nothing rivals the Back Country Fun Pack Liger (which, as indicated by beast’s back fins and spiked tail, is the movie-version of a liger, not a real-life liger). These “world’s first (and finest) Pack Ligers” are four tent pegs with orange, inflatable, liger-shaped flags on them. The package notes that the purpose of these things is, “to hold your tarp or tent to the ground, prop your head up as a pillow, decorate the outback, or take a pride along to talk to on your next solo.” I imagine that if you’re spending the summer with your uncle hunting wolverines in Alaska, they’d also be good for scaring bears away from your campsite (seriously, what the heck would you do in a situation like that?).

Of course, none of these uses seem very, well… useful. As Jeff explained, these thingies are really chiefly used while backcountry alpine camping, where packed snow can hide deep, dangerous crevasses. After probing your campsite for cracks, you mark them with flags, so you don’t disappear while you’re sleepwalking, off taking a dump, or wrestling around with a wolverine. Because one wants to travel as lightly as possible while backcountry camping, the usual materials for this are small bamboo poles with duct tape. Jeff noted, “In short, using a liger wand is a heavy, expensive, impractical way of accomplishing something that could easily be done by something light, cheap and practical.” (On a side note, Back Country Fun also makes other impractical but cool pegged-whatnots, including these gnomes with giant spiked penises.)

Aside from the fact that I’ll likely never go backcountry alpine camping, this makes them all that more excellent. I’m gonna use ‘em as tent pegs the next time I go camping. They will be little flags marking the tent-sized nation of Ligberia. And this guy will be president.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Schoooooool's out for, uh, an indefinite period of time

That's right: short of two finals and one 5000-word paper, I am officially finished my undergraduate degree. And let me tell you, friends, after one of the worst years of my life filled with the joys of being a full-time student, writing a thesis, and helplessly watching all my friends leave for Toronto one by one, it feels glorious. But what feels even better is having time to post on this blog. (Okay, I'm totally lying. This blog sucks.)

Still, though, I'd be feeling a lot better if I had some sense of what the hell I'm going to do with myself after this summer. Sure, I got a fantastic job (I won't say who I'm working for here so I have leeway to bitch later on, but I'm sure most of you know by now anyway), but the problem with summer internships is that, well, they're only for the summer. I've applied to Columbia, but it's very dubious whether I'll get in, and Carleton, where I'm not sure I really want to go. I decided to skip Ryerson, since they're planning on turning their two-year BJ (heh heh) program into an MJ in 2007, so I figured I might as well wait if that's what I want to do. The downside of this (or possibly the upside, if you're Neal) is that I most likely won't be living in Toronto next year, unless I can miraculously find a job good enough to move across the country for. So what then? Stay in Edmonton, God forbid, and work? But where? I'm thinking it would be cool to go somewhere French for a few months and come back fluent, but Paris is expensive and Quebec, well, isn't Paris. In conclusion: I hate uncertainty, and I want someone to make these decisions for me so I don't have to worry about them anymore.

Also, unofficially, my parents are moving to Kelowna permanently in July (I can't say why just yet—ask Chris if you care), which means I'm going to have to start, like, doing my own laundry and stuff. Even worse, I won't have much of a reason to ever come back to Edmonton again once I leave (sure, there are people here who I still want to see, but there's not that automatic reason to come back every Christmas like most of you guys have). This is weird, as I've lived here my whole life, and I can't really imagine never coming back.

Anyway, blah blah blah. I have to go watch the Oilers get their asses kicked now, but I promise I'll post something far more interesting than this soon.

Monday, April 10, 2006

We Interrupt this Blog for a Shameless Hot Dog Sauerkraut Casserole-Related Plug...


Glance to your right and you'll see-- HOLY SHIT, YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET EATEN BY A BEAR!!! Just kidding. You'll actually notice a link to Alana's new blog, Wasabi Cowgirl, a treasure trove of culinary adventures. And by treasure trove I mean restaurant reviews, recipes, reviews of insane retro cookbooks, and other culinary-related stuff. Check it out, and learn the secret of 1970s canned meat cuisine. (OK, the secret is 1970s canned meat cuisine is gross, but check out the blog out anyway, it's deliiiiiicious.)